Reading
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139:23-24
Reflection
I have a confession to make. I have a very messy closet most of the time. I typically look good when I leave my closet, but much of the time, I am kicking a shoe or a hat back into the closet so I can close the door. I may try on a few things and then start a neat pile of discards. When I don’t hang back up the discards, the next day’s discards or maybe a stack of clean clothes then become a taller stack. You can see where this is going. By the end of the week, my closet has become unmanageable. Things hanging off door handles, hangars hanging from dresser pulls, and shoes scattered all over the floor.
I’ve had offers from friends to come help organize my closet, but I have not taken them up on their offer because I know it will be so much work taking everything out, trying it on, and decided to keep the item or give it away. I feel compelled to keep my closet door closed so that Mark cannot see the mess as he gets ready for his day. Now, Mark knows exactly what my closet looks like – he’s been in there. I’m not exactly “hiding” anything from him. I’ve used cleaning up my closet as a spiritual metaphor off and on over the years. I do find that I feel better when it is tidy. Even though I know I will feel better once it is clean, I still let any other thing to do keep me from doing that chore.
On Sunday, after church, I sat down in my living room and began the work of writing my fearless moral inventory. I used Ian Cron’s workbook that is the companion for his book, The Fix. I started with listing my fears as Mark suggested in Sunday’s action step. I moved from that action step to writing down my resentments or grudges. I worked through most of Ian’s suggested categories. As I was writing, I kept thinking of something else to write in a section I had moved on from. As I was going back and forth, I was surprised by what I was uncovering. Once I’d been at it for a few hours, I got up to eat some dinner and do some chores. Once I gave my brain a chance to rest, other things began popping up and I’d race back to my pages and jot it down in the appropriate category.
After beginning this exercise, I realized I’d much rather do a fearless inventory of my closet! I think both tasks will take me more time than I’d like for them to take. I’m also guessing they will both turn up things I’d rather not deal with- things I forgot I have. There will be things to throw away, put away in a different location, or give to someone else. I may even have to iron out some wrinkles or do some mending.
I hope your fearless moral inventory is helping you to unearth some hidden things. Once they are out in the light, I trust God will guide our next steps. I am on the journey with you.
