Reading
But I say to you who are listening: Love your enemies; do good to those who hate you; bless those who curse you; pray for those who mistreat you. If anyone strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from anyone who takes away your coat do not withhold even your shirt. Give to everyone who asks of you, and if anyone takes away what is yours, do not ask for it back again. Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Luke 6:27-31
Reflection
In a time when divisions in our society seem starker than ever, it’s easy to feel like forgiveness is impossible. Did you see what they posted? Do you know who they voted for? Did you see them cut in the carpool line?
That is not even to mention the people who have hurt us deeply. How can we forgive after the pain they’ve caused us?
As Phillip Yancey has written, though, “The only thing harder than forgiveness is the alternative.” While the cost of forgiveness may seem high, we pay a tremendous mental, emotional, and even physical cost when we hold on to grudges and resentment.
John Ortberg writes:
“It turns out that unforgiveness is a toxic emotional cocktail that involves anger, fear, bitterness, stress, hurt, and resentment and registers neurochemically throughout our body. These emotions must be replaced by empathy, compassion, humility, and love.”
When we consider attempting to forgive major hurts, it can be hard to know where to begin. This suggestion is hardly surprising coming from a pastor, but one great place to start is by praying for the person who has wronged you. Jesus instructs us, “Love your enemies; do good to those who hate you; bless those who curse you; pray for those who mistreat you.”
It can also help to start with a little structure. Ruth Haley Barton shares a moving and beautiful liturgy adapted from the Iona Abbey Worship Book for holding others in the healing presence of Christ through prayer. It begins by addressing God, naming the particular people we’re praying for, and concluding, “May they know the deep peace of Christ.”
As you seek to forgive someone, you might pray for them following this structure. I’ve adapted Barton’s words slightly for our context:
Loving God, I hold in your healing presence the one(s) who has caused me pain. . .(silence to allow the person’s name and face to come to mind, and then pray)
. . . May they know the deep peace of Christ.
Praying for them in this way will not erase what they did, but it may help you begin to see them as more than their transgression, as a person who is broken and in need of forgiveness and healing, just like you. As we offer forgiveness, we can be part of that healing—for the other person and ourselves as well.
A Prayer from the Iona Abbey Worship Book (adapted)
Loving God, I hold in your healing presence those who suffer pain and ill health . . .
(silence to allow the names and faces of those you know to come to mind, and then pray)
. . . May they know the deep peace of Christ.
Loving God, I hold in your healing presence those who suffer in mind and spirit . . .(silence)
. . . May they know the deep peace of Christ.
Loving God, I hold in your healing presence the suffering people of our world, and the places where people are experiencing hurt and division — including places of hurt and division in my own life…(silence)
. . . May we know the deep peace of Christ.
Loving God, I hold in your healing presence those experiencing grief and loss . . . (silence)
. . . May they know the deep peace of Christ.
Loving God, I hold in your healing presence those who need wisdom for their next steps . . .(silence)
. . . May they know the deep peace of Christ.
Loving God, I hold in your healing presence those people and situations that seem broken beyond repair …(silence)
. . . May we/they know the deep peace of Christ.
Loving God, I hold in your healing presence the one(s) who has caused me pain . . .(silence)
. . . May they know the deep peace of Christ.
Loving God, I hold in your healing presence and peace those whose needs are not known to me but who are known by you, and those for whom I have been asked to pray . . .(silence)
And I name in my heart all those who are close to me . . .(silence)
. . . May they know the deep peace of Christ.
Glory to God, from whom all love flows,
glory to Jesus, who showed his love through suffering,
and glory to the Holy Spirit, who brings light to the darkest places.
Amen.
(cited in Ruth Haley Barton, Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership, 2nd ed., InterVarsity Press, 2018)
