Reading
If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
Romans 12:18
Reflection
This week, as we embark on Steps Eight and Nine, we come to the point in our recovery where we take active steps to right the wrongs we have committed. On Sunday, Mark likened it to “sweeping up our side of the street.”
It’s not easy to admit when you’ve done something wrong, apologize for it, ask for forgiveness, and actively work to repair the damage. It requires a level of vulnerability that stands in stark contrast to our individualistic culture of control and strength-at-all-costs.
But we can’t force forgiveness. All we can do is ask for it. And it can be heartbreaking when the other person chooses not to forgive you or accept your amends.
In Romans, Paul encourages that “if it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” With this statement, Paul recognizes that there are times when it’s not possible to live in peace with everyone. His instruction emphasizes that as long as you’ve done all that you can to make it right, you have to release the rest to the other person and ultimately God.
Making amends isn’t just about making it right with the other person, it’s also about making things right with yourself. If your attempt to make amends is not received well by the other person, then you have to find a way to come to peace with that. You have swept your side of the street. So, what can you do when someone rejects your amends or refuses to forgive you?
Adjust your Expectations: You’ve done what you can do. You can’t force someone to receive your amends when they aren’t ready. To do so may actually damage the relationship further. Your willingness to make amends is the crux of Step Eight. Willingness is the beginning of healing.
Release the Outcomes: Remember that because God reigns and we are in Christ, the world is a perfectly safe place for us to be, even if things don’t go our way.
Rest in God’s love for you: God cares about you and can handle anything you throw at Him. Take your pain to God.
Refuse to be Bitter: Don’t harbor resentment toward the person who rejected you. Channel your willingness to make amends and continue to will the best for the other person.
Rely on Jesus’s forgiveness: Our peace comes, not from human forgiveness, but from the ultimate forgiveness we’ve received through Christ.
Remember that the process of making amends releases us from guilt, shame, self-hatred; it enables us to experience peace of mind and joy, even if it’s not received well by the other person.
Prayer
Loving and merciful God, I bring to you all my brokenness. My hurts. My resentments. Help me to make amends where needed and to accept all possible outcomes. I trust in your goodness and that you have a plan for my life. Help me to will the best for those around me, even when it’s hard. In Jesus’ wonderful name. Amen.
